Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
