She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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