I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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