In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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