Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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