that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
