We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
