she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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