My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
