Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
