A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
