My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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