can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
