Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize