Your tits are I can't wait for
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
