When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
