i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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