can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
