I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
