so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
