His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
