what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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