Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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