Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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