there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
