3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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