life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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