is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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