theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
