So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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