I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you had me at cake vodka
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
