This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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