HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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