I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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