I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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