I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
