I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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