Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
