better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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