PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
