i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
