hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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