My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
