Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
