oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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