omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
