We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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