Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
