I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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