Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
