i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm really busy with my period
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