Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
