plz talk dirty to me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
