Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize