started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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