My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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