Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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