we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
