I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
