why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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