Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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