The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
