So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
