apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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