You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
