Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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