got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize