Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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