you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
