I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
