dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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