it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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