Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
