Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
