You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
