Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
