my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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