Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
