i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
