dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
