Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
