No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
