Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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